Bring it, Universe, you catty, wonderful, shrewish Virago. This time, she’s thrown me a good one – in the form of cranky plumbing.
You will not take me down.
This is the sort of thing I’ve been dreading as I hang on for dear life, dangling by my fingertips on the edge of the abyss. Lately, I have started to notice the abyss. I’m no longer just squeezing my eyes shut and frantically trying to pull myself up to solid ground (I dare not call it safety). I have begun to swing my dangling feet a little bit and feel its cool darkness as I tentatively wiggle my toes. Lately, I’m haltingly curious – not so gripped by fear that I can’t breathe, can’t cry out for help. I can feel the rock face. It is cold, but craggy. I can almost get a foothold.
I don’t have to fall.
Damned Hell Cat is standing on my fingers.
And I remember. Call for help. This is a brilliant plan I have slowly come up with after decades of piecing together solutions. By trial and error I have learned many things that do not work so well.
TOP TEN THINGS THAT DO NOT SOLVE MAJOR LIFE PROBLEMS
10. React to stimulus and identify it as a problem.
9. Identify the problem as socially based.
8. End job, school, friendship, relationship, whatever.
7. Identify the problem as geographically based.
6. Move to a new house, city, province, whatever.
5. Stay up all night watching back-to-back seasons of television programs on Netflix.
4. Obsessively identify with character on Netflix programs. Enter their world.
3. Go to sleep for days, weeks, months, whatever.
2. Scream at all the concerned people around me.
1. Scream at random strangers and acquaintances who might want to help, or who don’t know they might want to help, or that help might be needed, but who are merely curious as to why there is a woman screaming at the large group of concerned-looking people circled around her.
Not this time Gaia, or whatever you call yourself. I’m going to do something innovative, risky, okay, proactive (a term I dislike for all it’s self righteous, bureaucratic, dispassionate perversity).
Bad Phoenix. Stay focused.
I am pleased to report that I will, with optimistic and hopeful, forward-thinking mind and heart…
…call a friend.
And that fierce virago, that magnificent warrior, bane of my existence and inspiration of my soul can stomp as hard as she likes.
My friend is going to help me. For real.
And the Universe doesn’t stomp. She steps back a bit. She’s not going to lift me out, but neither is she going to crush me. The dark coolness soothes me, for now, and I can rest. It could be okay after all.
I’ll climb out another day. In the meantime, I’m gathering strength.